I was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer in May of 2021. I was initially given six months to a year to live. My tumor is wrapped around the superior mesenteric artery, in the uncinate process of the pancreas. I have had 8 rounds of SBRT radiation, and 5 rounds of cyber knife radiation. Between the two, a portion of the tumor was removed. I have refused Chemotherapy infusion, opting instead for the oral Chemotherapy drug Xeloda. I was on Xeloda for 2 years but made the decision to stop taking it altogether because my feet and hands were cracked open and bleeding, and I had sores inside my mouth.
When I was first diagnosed, my mind worked overtime to try and grasp the fact that I was dying. I cried buckets of tears and had a million thoughts run through my mind. I am a grandma of 7 grandchildren, 4 boys and 3 girls. I was so looking forward to watching each one graduate high school, and I wanted to dance at each of their weddings! I looked forward to holding my great grandbabies in my arms. My husband, Dan and I had plans for his retirement that we looked forward to. Plans to go back to Scotland again and see more of my grandmother’s ancestral home. Plans to do more hiking and camping in the remote wilderness of Alaska, where I was born and raised. So many plans, hopes and dreams that pancreatic cancer stole from me.
I kept asking myself, “Why me? How can I possibly cope with all I stood to lose and never accomplish? I felt overwhelmed with grief, and sorrow, and fear over saying my final goodbyes to my husband, our three sons and their families. I felt myself giving in, and giving up to cancer.
And then, I called upon my faith, my hope and my trust in God. I placed my life and my future is God’s hands. I made the decision to speak positively about my cancer, and to live every minute of every day to the fullest. I stopped focusing on the ‘what if’s’ of tomorrow. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring. Instead, I live in the moment, giving thanks for every breath I take, for the joy and laughter my family and friends bring me. I look for ways to encourage others who have been diagnosed with cancer.
Today, I am three years and six months past my initial diagnosis of inoperable pancreatic cancer. I live for the day, focusing my time and energy on the positive aspects of my life. I have no idea how much longer I have on this Earth, but today I am alive and doing well, and that is sufficient for me. Pancreatic cancer does NOT define me but rather, I define IT!
November is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month and helps me draw attention to this deadly disease, and to get others to check if they have symptoms, early detection is so important! Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month is my milestone; I have survived 3 years of Novembers. This November I want to encourage everyone to keep your focus on the positive aspects of your life. Be thankful for each breath you take, and do not let cancer define who you are!
YOU ARE BRAVE! YOU ARE STRONG! YOU ARE A CANCER WARRIOR!